A Field Guide to the Mitt Romney Job Interview

Watching Mitt Romney finally sewing up this pathetically long primary season has made many pundits comment on how terrible a politician Mitt Romney is. This is rather unfair to Romney considering that the political primary might be the only place Romney could get away with his nonsense. Just imagine how a job interview would go…

Scene- Mitt Romney enters a small office and after shaking hands sits across from the desk of a mustachio, balding man.

Interviewer: Hello Mr. Romney. I just want to say we’re all very impressed by your resume.

Mitt Romney: Thank you.

Interviewer: I would guess this interview will just be perfunctory so let’s just get it over with some basic questions. What would you consider your biggest accomplishment in your professional life?

Mitt Romney:  When I saved the Olympics.

Interviewer: What?

Mitt Romney: When I saved the Olympics

Interviewer (looks downs at his notes): Wait… I mean, that looked like some sort of summer job on your resume. We called you in more about your business experience and time as the governor as Massachusetts.

Mitt Romney: I’m very proud of my time at those jobs.

Interviewer: Tell me about your greatest failure at those jobs.

Mitt Romney: Uh er… I could… I feel that I might have misstated concepts and beliefs that I deeply feel strong about during those times. Concepts like how great I would be at this job, a job I would be great at.

Interviewer: Okay… maybe that’s a good segue to questions on to the job you’re applying for. Why would you be the best person for the job?

Mitt Romney: I am an excellent manager.

Interviewer: And…?

Mitt Romney: And what?

Interviewer (tone becomes more agitated): Well, it’s a management position but there’s a lot more to it; you’ll have to work well with your others, come up with imaginative solutions to problems, and be able to make quick and well thought-out decisions. We expect strong ideas and beliefs. Maybe you would be more comfortable talking about yourself. What motivates you?

Mitt Romney (tone remains unchanged): My main motivation is to do well for this company. I spend a lot of – most of my time thinking about this company.

Interviewer: You don’t even work here yet! Don’t you care about your family or dog or something?! Look… uh… maybe I should have dug a little deeper on your talk about management. That seems to be your wheelhouse. What kind of supervisor are you?

Mitt Romney: I would expect my employees to get along with others, to be creative in their problem-solving ability, and to make good impromptu decisions.

Interviewer: You’re repeating what I said earlier.

Mitt Romney: No I didn’t, you used the word “diplomatic,” my friend.

Interviewer: You know what, just one more question. Something VERY basic: What is your greatest weakness?

Mitt Romney (For the first time of the interview, a contemplative look appears on his face. He pauses before his answer.): My greatest weakness is that I try too hard.

Interviewer (sighs and rubs his eyes)

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